He tasted like bubble gum. Watermelon-flavored bubble gum. Which may or may not have had something to do with the gum I had insisted he buy from the gas station on the way to my grandparents’ house. I was leaning towards the ‘may’ side. I pulled away and smiled at him. My perfect, amazing, terrific, incredible boyfriend. Even five months into our relationship it still gave me shivers to think of him attached to the word boyfriend.

I admired Ryan in silence for four years before I finally had the guts to just talk to him. Okay, you caught me. I was pretty much forced to talk to him – it wasn’t exactly my guts that made me do it. I was on the way home from the beach last summer when my car started just spouting exhaust. I pulled over on the side of the road and, panicking, called my mom. She calmed me down a bit and told me to call MDI Auto Repair. She insisted that they knew what they were doing, and that their prices were reasonable. I really didn’t care at that point – she could have told me to run around the road in my underwear screaming bloody murder and I would have done it. Except that I wasn’t wearing underwear. I was wearing a bathing suit and yellow terry-cloth shorts. What, it was hot out and I was still wet!

Anyhow, to say I was surprised when Ryan showed up to tow my car would be a colossal understatement. For the first fifteen minutes, while Ryan checked out my car and hooked it up to the tow truck, I just sat there on the side of the road, knees tucked into my chest, completely shell shocked. I didn’t say a word. I can’t even bear to think how stupid I must have seemed. I wasn’t even wearing a shirt!

I came to my senses just as Ryan was about to get in his truck. I sprinted around to where he was sliding into the driver’s seat, and asked if I could have my keys for a minute. He looked at me like I’d sprouted an extra four heads, but he handed over the keys nonetheless. As quickly as I could I retrieved my t-shirt from the backseat of my car and, as suavely as I could, pulled it on over my bikini top. Then I raced back to where he was waiting and silently thrust the keys into his lap.

I was walking back to the side of the road, about to pull my cell phone out of my purse to plead with my friend Bridget to come pick me up, when he called out my name. I was taken aback at first – Ryan Gregory knew my name? Or had I told him my name? I must have just told it to him. I remember thinking to myself, God Tabitha, you are just so stupid sometimes. Of course you gave him your name. He was towing your car. Duh.

I turned around, and we stared at each other for a moment or two before he asked whether or not I had anybody coming to pick me up. I shook my head like a bobble-headed doll, and he offered to give me a ride home. I managed to mumble an insecure ‘sure’ accompanied by what was supposed to be ‘thank you’ but came out more like a string of incoherent mumbo-jumbo. You cannot imagine how embarrassed I felt. I wanted the ground to suddenly sprout up a field of giant sunflowers to surround me and hide me so that he couldn’t see my blush. I knew the moment the babbling escaped my mouth that my cheeks were flushing a shade envied by even the ripest tomatoes. I’ve always been that girl whose face broadcasts her emotions to the entire world. I really belong in circus, between the bearded lady and the sword-swallower. They could call me The Face. It would be a bushel of fun. I would be the most popular act they’ve ever seen, you’d better believe it. The audience could yell insults at me and throw mud in my hair and watch my face change colors like some sort of kaleidoscope. It would be wicked.

God, what am I even talking about? That would be horrible. I’d have to spend the rest of my life with mud in my hair and people laughing at me and not with me. That would suck so much.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

How does the world see you?
"The Next Messiah" - Jenny Lewis

Will I have a happy life?
"The Way You Look Tonight" - Frank Sinatra

What do my friends really think of me?
"She's Hearing Voices" - Bloc Party

Do people secretly lust after me?
"Who's That Girl" - Madonna

How can I make myself happy?
"Crush" - Cute Is What We Aim For

What should I do with my life?
"Don't Let Me Fall" - Lenka

Will I ever have children?
"The Moment I Said It" - Imogen Heap

What is some good advice for me?
"Lifesize" - A Fine Frenzy

How will I be remembered?
"Thank U" - Alanis Morissette

What is my signature dancing song?
"Passenger Seat" - Death Cab For Cutie

What do I think is my current theme song?
"You Spin Me Right Round" - Dead or Alive

What does everyone think my current theme song is?
"Because" - The Bird & the Bee

What song will play at my funeral?
"Night Minds" - Missy Higgins

What type of men / women do you like?
"I Want You" - Erykah Badu
I honestly don't know how to interpret this one.

What is my day going to be like?
"Lullaby for a Stormy Night" - Vienna Teng

My grandma died yesterday. I don't know what to think. Well, that's a lie. I know that I should be bawling my eyes out, unable to get out of bed for at least the next couple of days. But instead I'm just a bit mopey. I almost feel like it didn't actually happen. I keep wanting to tell myself that it didn't happen.

I have a student-directed play that I'm performing in going up today at lunch. I'm going to be there. And again tonight. I'm going to suck it up, try not to think, and get on with the play. Maybe tomorrow reality will set in. Maybe not.

My own father didn't have the decency to tell me that she died. It was his mother, and he didn't even call me when she passed. My aunt - my dad's brother's wife - called instead, and she told my mom. I know that we're going through a rough patch - have been for years - but that isn't right. Is it? I don't even know what to do with myself anymore.

My grandma has been my favorite person on the planet for as long as I can remember. I don't know what I'm going to do without her. I could always trust her for the truth, an honest opinion, and a shoulder to cry on. She always loved me so much. I've been told for years that I've always been her favorite. And now she's gone. It's like losing a part of who I am. I'm not just losing my grandmother, I feel like I'm losing an entire side of my family. They're going to cut me out, and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm scared.

Arg, It's a Movie List!
( WhooCollapse )
Total : 111

Not too shabby, I suppose. There are a few movies on there that I'm not sure if I've seen or not, because I have a crap memory, so I just didn't check them off. It doesn't count if I can't remember it.

Okay, so I've recently been listening to a LOT of musicals. And I do mean a lot. I've discovered a new fondness for The Drowsy Chaperone, Into the Woods (especially Bernadette Peters as the witch), the Sarah Brightman stuff from Jesus Christ Superstar, Miss Saigon, and My Fair Lady.

I already listened to death Sweeney Todd, Wicked, Avenue Q, Beauty and the Beast, Seussical, and Les Miserables. Just thought I'd mention those ones too.

I don't really know why exactly I'm posting this, other than to say that I really hope that my school does The Drowsy Chaperone for our musical next year. Playing either Janet or the Chaperone herself would be AMAZING. I would probably just die on the spot. But I highly doubt my drama teacher will choose The Drowsy Chaperone. Maybe I should suggest it?

In other news, I haven't posted anything in about ten years. Well, it feels that way...

I'm half-way through second term of this school year and I haven't even finished all of my first term courses. In fact, I only finished three of the five. Drama, On Stage, and Social Studies. And now I'm loaded up on Science, Math, English, Spanish & Planning. It's relatively hellish. I sort of wish I could just go drown myself and get it over with. To be done with high school, that would be a pleasure and a half.

I just made an amazing discovery on the front of music. So, I was on Quizilla.com, reading some stuff off of the Highest Rated page, and I come across this playlist for one of the really good stories that I had read recently. I opened it, and downloaded some of the stuff by each of the bands featured on it. In the midst of all of these downloads, I found that I had downloaded a much-improved cover of Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone. It is extremely good. The cover is done by A Day To Remember, a pretty good punk/screamo band. Some of their stuff is screamy, some of it isn't. This song is almost perfect by them, seeing as I didn't really like it that much when it was done by Kelly Clarkson originally. Download it. It is a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

Instructions: Open up your iTunes and fill out this survey, no matter how embarrassing the responses might be.

BTW I don't actually use iTunes so some of the features on it aren't on my music program:(

How many songs total: 528
How many hours or days of music: 31 hours, 14 minutes, 22 seconds
Most recently played: Louis XIV - Pledge of Allegiance
Most played: N/A
Most recently added: N/A

Sort by song title:
First Song: Missy Higgins - 100 Round the Bends
Last Song: Fall Out Boy - Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

Sort by time:
Shortest Song: Avenue Q - I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today
Longest Song: Something Corporate - Konstantine

Sort by album:
First album: Say Anything - ... Is A Real Boy
Last album: The Shins - Wincing the Night Away

First song that comes up on Shuffle: Plain White T's - Tearin' Us Apart

Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death - 18
Life - 5
Love - 26
Hate - 2
You - 64
Sex - 1

So, I've now liked the same guy for 116 days. And he still hardly knows I exist. I see him every day. Every. Single. Day. And I doubt he knows my name. I mean, I don't blame him. I'm not exactly the most noticable person in the world. I find I kind of melt into the woodwork a bit. I don't like to draw too much attention to myself. It tends to end up being humiliating in the end. I've learned from experience.

Now, I'm not saying I don't like attention - I do. I'm a drama student, people, we thrive on stage. Speaking of stages, the play that I'm in just ended. It's so freaking sad to say goodbye to everyone. Almost three quarters of the cast is graduating this year, it's going to be so weird without them next year. I'm going to miss everyone.

Back onto my first topic - I have no chance whatsoever to get him to notice me. In a good way. I always find myself tripping over myself. It doesn't help things that he happens to be friends with my brother's girlfriend. And he's two years older than me. But whatever. I guess I'll get over it, one day. It'll just take some time. No worries.

GUESS THE SONG
Step 1. Put your playlist on random.
Step 2. Post the first a line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing. (You can skip songs that are instrumental.)
Step 3. Strike out the songs when someone guesses correctly.

1. And the clock strikes S-E-X with the girlfriend next.
2. People keep talking, they can say what they like.
3. My throat was an open grave, I drank your stained glass eyes.
4. On the corner is a banker with a motorcar, and little children laugh at him behind his back.
5. And it is true what you said, that I live like a hermit in my own head.
6. Don’t feel a thing, you wish, grasping at pearls with my fingertips.
7. Another brother to scoff at the dancing patterns of white folk.
8. And its become just like a chemical stress.
9. Any speed you drive can be dangerous.
10. And would you give a fuck if all that you heard were nouns and verbs like shallow heartache?
11. Story book syntax.
12. "And i bought you this coin, it says NUMBER ONE DAD"
13. Is this home? Is this where I should learn to be happy?
14. At the top of the hole sit the previlaged few, making mock of the vermin in the lonely zoo, turning beauty to filth and greed...
15.Then I'll use that voice that you find annoyin' and say something like "Yeah, intelligent input, darlin', why don't you just have another beer then?"
16. Unharmed, I’m losing weight and some body heat
17. But they don’t know the truth, my heart’s crippled by the vein.
18. A red rose fell upon the soft snow.
19. No matter what, I'd bleed to be your whore.
20. I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black.   I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie  (elealyan)
21. Your life's a routine that repeats each day. No one cares who you are or what you say.
22. One droopy-droop feather, that's all that she had. And oh! That one feather made Gertrude so sad.
23. Recalling my days in north africa. I've never crossed the atlantic.
24. I’ll ask polite if the devil needs a ride.
25. Blank stares at blank pages. No easy way to say this.

On a further note, I actually cannot remember what the songs are for numbers 2, 3, 5, 9 & 11, so you might have it right and I might not know it. Also, quite a few of these songs are from musicals. Good luck!